


Conversations and Contemplations

by wernythepoohx



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cassian being adorable, F/M, Missing Scene, Romance, changed a bit of the movie but still, gave Cassian a backstory, hoo boy what even happened here, idk if it worked lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8898322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wernythepoohx/pseuds/wernythepoohx
Summary: In which Jyn realises the inconsistencies of hope, and feels feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Rogue One again yesterday and it was almost better the second time, but still as angsty :,)
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated.

It was almost hopeless.

Jyn stalked out of the meeting, where the so-called “Alliance” was divided as to whether Scarif was the next destination or not. She’d always thought that these fighters would be courageous and selfless, going into battle headstrong as a united front, but apparently that was not the case.

She spotted a rocky ledge to the side of the cavernous hangar, and climbed up the small footholds to get there. Sitting down on the edge, Jyn marveled at the sun setting to her left, casting an orange light that turned pink as it touched the dunes on the far side of Yavin’s fourth moon. She brought her knees up and rested her chin on them, linking her hands around her legs.

Sighing, she shook her head. If there was anyone who didn’t want to get involved in the Rebellion and its cause, it should be her, not the Rebels! After all, the thing she had wanted most was to be free: free from the Empire, free from Imperial prisons. Free from everything. Besides, didn’t Cassian say that rebellions were built on hope? Where was it, then? At that moment it seemed like Jyn had more hope than half the Rebels combined.

“What are you doing up there?”  
Jyn heard an accented voice say and looked down to see Cassian standing at the foot of the rocky formation, a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun.  
"Nothing,” she looked back out at the sunset. Jyn heard scraping and thumping before she felt Cassian sit down next to her.

“You were right.”

Jyn turned to look at Cassian, frowning in confusion. The wind ruffled his hair so that one strand that constantly fell in front of his right eye was joined by many other hairs. Jyn had to admit grudgingly that he was looking rather good, even though she was still mildly peeved at him for being dishonest about her father.  
Cassian continued: “I had no right to lie to you. You deserved to know what was going on. Mon Mothma shouldn’t have lied to you, and me either.”

Jyn sighed. She found it hard to stay angry at him, because she knew he was just trying to follow the General’s orders. She knew Cassian was conflicted within himself, which was obvious when he couldn’t kill her father and thus disobeyed Alliance orders.  
“It still doesn’t excuse the fact that you actually considered it,” Jyn didn’t want to concede just yet: her ego was just too big for her to do so.  
“Even after knowing how much he meant to me.”

“I know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. You were right, you know. I knew those orders were wrong, yet I still tried to carry them out.” He chuckled wryly. “Calling me a brainless Stormtrooper doesn’t seem too far off from the truth, huh?”  
She winced. “That was a bit harsh of me. I’m sorry, I was just angry and overwhelmed that-”  
“No you weren’t. Being harsh, I mean,” he let out a breathy laugh. “I am a pretty terrible person, now that I think about it. I know you have lost a lot, and yet I was almost the one to make you lose even more.” Cassian clenched his hands into fists.

There was silence for a little bit, before Jyn hesitantly reached out to rest her hand on top of one of his. Had she not been looking at him, she would not have seen the way he stiffened at first. After a few seconds, his body relaxed and his fingers unfurled until only his fingertips were touching under her hand.

“Cassian. Let’s not talk about this now.”  
He bit his lip, before nodding slowly, his eyebrows furrowing in guilt. They lapsed into silence. She racked her brains for a different subject, but could not come up with anything far from their current conversation’s tracks.

“Do you remember your parents?” Jyn finally asked.  
“I do,” Cassian replied quietly. “They were both farmers, you see. I grew up on Mandalore, a planet of the Mandalore system. It wasn’t a terribly nice place. Have you seen a Bantha before?”  
She shook her head: “I’ve never heard of them.”  
“Oh. They’re basically these large hairy elephants with ridiculous horns and mottled tails, and the fur on their backs sags down to the ground. Can you imagine it?”  
Jyn smiled slightly. “I’m picturing something pretty weird.”  
He smirked. “It was weird. And incredibly ugly. People say that Mandalore looks like a Bantha's backside, but even worse." Jyn snorted a laugh.

“Anyway, Mandalore was well known for a unique iron ore, which could withstand even lightsabers. Naturally, the Empire wanted as much of this as they could find, because before, Jedi numbers used to be substantial and they were quite defenceless. Now, the Jedi have been reduced to almost nothing.” Cassian shook his head bitterly.

“When iron ore supplies on Mandalore began to run dry, the Empire got more desperate. They forced everyone to become miners. Those who did not comply, they would punish. Beating, overworking, killing.”

Cassian swallowed. “My parents were modest yet hardworking people. Even after long, hot days harvesting and ploughing their fields, they would make time for me. We were very close and were so happy, despite the growing problem of the Empire. My parents; they told me stories, both real and fantasy, but also taught me some important things. See, they were firm believers of the Rebellion and tried to immerse me in values of said cause. They taught me hope.

“My father was a kind man, who would never hurt a fly. He always made people feel good about themselves, about life. Anyone who knew him said he was charismatic, and even though I was young when I knew him, I remember him making me feel like I was the most important person in the world.”

“How about your mother?” Jyn stretched out her legs, taking her hand off his in the process. She hadn’t realised she’d still been touching his hand. When she settled, Cassian took her right hand and began fiddling with it, playing with her fingers.  
“My mother was a beautiful woman. She had black hair and brown eyes; very understated, but those who came across her were...enchanted by her beauty, you could say.”  
He stared out towards the sun which was now two thirds concealed by the desert hills in the distance. His eyes glazed over as he talked, and Jyn could not bring herself to interrupt him then.

“One day, I was waiting in our home for them to come back from the fields. My mother had gone out to help my father pack up when suddenly, as I looked out the window to see why they were taking so long, a small group of Imperial troops approached them. I couldn’t hear anything, but they started talking until one soldier brought out a baton and struck my father. He fell, and I saw my mother rush to him.”  
Cassian had tears in his eyes, and Jyn moved her right hand so that her fingers fit in between his, before wrapping her left hand around it so her palms were encompassing his large hand.  
“God, I remember it all so clearly,” he looked up at the sky, the blue expanse being interrupted with orange and purple-pink streaks. Jyn began to stroke his hand.  
“The Imperial troops began to step away, when their commander lifted his hand, and…and they shot them. Many times, through their chests. They hadn’t done anything wrong. They were just doing their work, to survive and provide for me. I was six. I guess since then, I have always been opposed to the Empire.”

“I’m sorry.” There was nothing more that Jyn could say, for it all felt wrong. He swiped his free arm over his eyes quickly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. If anyone is sorry, it should be me. I almost did the same thing as those troops to your father, even after hearing about the flaw he put in the Death Star. I believe you, you know. Galen was probably a good man.” _He was_ , Jyn couldn't help but think.

Cassian turned to her, and the right side of his mouth lifted, exposing a rarely seen dimple on his cheek.  
“I will gather my men and tell them to start getting ready soon. We should leave for Scarif tomorrow, as now is too dark to prepare the essentials.”  
Her mouth dropped open. “You mean…?”  
Cassian nodded. “All of us have done many things for the Rebellion, and some of those were - and still are - unforgivable. Those ones we always regret. We couldn’t live with ourselves if we did nothing. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t go with you.”  
“Thank you Cassian.” She grinned widely and took her hands away from his, only to bring them around his waist. His arms enveloped her body, and she felt him kiss the top of her head gently. This was nice, she thought, sighing and squeezing him a bit tighter.  
“I hope it’ll go well on Scarif.”

He pulled away from Jyn slightly, resting his hands on her upper arms.  
“Wow, you’ve become part of the Alliance, the Rebellion, in your own right,” he laughed. She raised an eyebrow in an amused manner.  
“How so?”

“Hope, Jyn Erso. Rebellions are built on hope.” 

Cassian’s smile disappeared and he said nothing for a while, looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Jyn thought fleetingly about holding her breath because even exhaling seemed to be too loud in this situation. She didn’t know what to do. Then he leaned his forehead on hers, and she most definitely stopped breathing. Cassian leaned even closer until their noses brushed. Jyn could feel his breath hitting her lips and she closed her eyes, parting her mouth ever so slightly as he pressed his own chastely to hers.

They stayed there for a few seconds, his mouth moving minutely against hers. Jyn could feel her heart racing at this little gesture. She had never been kissed before, and it was nice to share this with Cassian, someone she now completely empathised with, and had begun to care about after spending so much time together during long flights in space. He slowly pulled back, keeping his face near.

“I believe you. I believe in **you**.”

They sat there holding each other, watching the sun drop completely under the horizon for what they didn’t know would be their last time.


End file.
